What happens after the baby is born?

Everyone's desire is to become a mother. Right? That's what most women have grown up to think. Dolls equipped with a house, bottle, and diapers are what I received as a child for birthdays and Christmas. There were no conversations  about the physical and emotional aspects after the baby is born. Let's talk!

I recently gave birth to my third child. When I found out I was pregnant shock ensued as well as panic. Although, I had done this twice beforehand, I was still in fear. Fear because of the effects after the delivery. There was also some fear as far as the delivery goes and who would watch my then 3yo and 5yo during my hospital stay. When family doesn't live close by it makes things difficult. Things can get more complicated near the end of pregnancy when you're worried about your other children. Nevertheless, I was prepared to have this baby by myself without my husband. My husband, on the other hand, was determined to be there. We were blessed to have my mother drive up and help us out. It's hard for a mother to focus on having a safe delivery when she has other young kids. 

What about medical conditions after delivery? Well since this wasn't my first rodeo I was already planning an extended stay in the hospital or become readmitted. This thing called pre-eclampsia had showed up after each delivery. I assumed this delivery would be the same. Something I absolutely loathe are getting magnesium drips due to pre-eclampsia. If you've ever had it it makes you feel terrible. The first time I had one the nursing staff did not insert a foley catheter. I went to the bathroom on my own pulling the iv pole. I felt like an inebriated person trying to get from point A to point B! Took lots of concentration! My face felt like it was on fire and my eyes were as red as a crayon! My second go around at a different hospital was a bit different. I did receive a urinary catheter. This time they tried to get ahead of my super high blood pressures and start the magnesium early. Well, I ended up back in the hospital a week later to get the same set up again!!! Bummer!!!

Nowadays most hospitals are on this kick to get everyone to breastfeed their baby. 'Breast is best' a slogan I've seen from time to time. Don't get me wrong all three of mine were breastfed. My two oldest were breastfed for  27 months and 33 months! Definitely don't plan to breastfeed my third that long! The emotional toll it takes to breastfeed is not talked about enough. The lactation consultant asked me how long I plan to breastfeed this baby. I told her 12 months, well she commenced to writing 3 years on her clipboard in which I laughed and told her it wasn't happening. It's no secret that I didn't plan to have a third baby. Read that again 'I' didn't but my husband had other plans! Don't get me wrong we are very blessed, but the emotional toll is a lot! Who feeds the baby? Well momma, because the food source is attached to her! Well you could just pump and let daddy give it to baby is what some will say. Well that's easier said than done. There are pump parts that need to be washed and cleaned. I'm not going to lie. I'm a bit lazy when it's comes to cleaning parts and waking up at night to pump. I can just rollover give the kid a boob put him back to sleep and I go back to sleep! It's a win win! We all have our own opinions about this though. Anyway, back to emotions. From my experience I was the only one feeding baby unless we went somewhere like church and I expressed milk into a bottle and took that. Anytime I would leave and go anywhere I would count down how long I could be gone so that I could make it back to feed the baby. I always felt on edge and running against time. I was so overwhelmed with anxiety because of this. I cried a lot with my first because my husband was always at work and I was at home feeling like my life was at a standstill. It's suppose to be a happy and joyous time, but there are lots of ups and downs. On top of breastfeeding every 2-3 hours don't forget there's a thing called clusterfeeding! This is when baby is eating seems like around the clock! It's like they can't get enough! You're wondering why is the baby eating so much? Am I producing enough milk since they seem to be so hungry? What kind of teas and cookies can I go out and buy to beef up my supply? Or maybe I should power pump and see if that helps? So many self doubt questions! It truly becomes an emotional roller coaster!  
 
To add to the breastfeed bit. What about pumping at work? I went back to work after number 2 turned a year old. I know there's no need to pump after 1 yr. Or it loses its nutritional value after a year! 12 months seems to be a magical number. All of a sudden the kid turns 1 and the milk is automatically no good for him! 

Self-image is another topic that's not talked about enough. Our bodies have gone through a lot in 9 months! I can admit that I would look at myself and wonder how my body would look after the baby was born. I'd actually stand in front off the mirror and measure how much my stomach would go down after the baby was born. In a world where Brazilian butt lifts are seemingly the standard, it puts pressure on some to have the perfect body even when it's gone through so much! Society is obsessed with wanting a woman's body to be in tip top shape! Coke bottle bodies are of utmost importance! Health isn't a concern! As long as that body looks like it was just taken out of the wrapper then it's acceptable! Well mommas don't be so hard on yourself! Your body has housed someone so precious! It has done something so amazing; transformed cells into a baby! It's magical! That in itself is enough to be proud of our bodies for! If you choose to exercise and get your body in shape right after delivery let it be because YOU wanted to not because someone or society pressured you into it. I'm almost 2months postpartum and I have done 1 workout! One that I came up with so it wasn't intense at all! Although, I did feel the effects the next day! I'll work on my body when my body is ready for a workout! 

Anyone ever had to put their career on hold after having a baby? Well I have each time! During those times I was also gaining more knowledge and education! With my first born I took my 12 weeks off of work and then returned. Other countries are giving out a years worth of maternity leave! Here we are having to return between 6 and 12 weeks!! Ridiculous! Either way this was the hardest thing for me at that time! I had major mom guilt! I thought some of the craziest things! One that I'll mention is that I didn't want my daughter to grow up calling her grandmother Mom. Yes, I know that sounds crazy! I left for work at 0630 a.m and returned 12+ hours later! I went to work she'd be asleep when I came home she was asleep! Its like she hardly ever saw me! I just wanted to be home with her and not work. Well me and my husband decided that I should do that and go back to school to finish my Associate's degree. That meant I would have to leave my current state and go back home to finish school! That was a huge sacrifice because our family would have to split up. It took lots of communication via phone and video. After finishing my degree and taking state testing I found out I was pregnant with number 2! This was a happy and sad time! I was excited and nervous to be pregnant again! This also meant having to put my career on hold again. I know a lot of you may say that's not a reason to put your career on hold. Well for me it was. I wanted to be there with my kids until they were able to talk and express themselves. Plus we had moved to yet another state! I should probably add that we are a military family. We're always moving to different states! Finding childcare is a struggle! It's super expensive too! A few places we went to would equal my salary! So it was either work to pay for daycare or be a stay at home mom and enjoy my kids! Well I chose to enjoy my kids! Do I feel like life is passing by career wise? Yes! Do I surf the web looking for jobs? Yes! In all honesty I'm thinking of gaining a new career not sure which direction to go in just yet. Plus I'm totally not ready to leave this little guy! 

In conclusion, always remember that having a baby is an amazing experience! For some it may be traumatic physically and emotionally. We must learn to give ourselves grace during the postpartum period! There are so many changes that occur! It took 9 months to create a child, it will take more time to recover after the baby is born!